To make friends as an adult is hard, especially those close friendships. But we need those relationships to maintain our wellbeing and sanity.
Our social groups often change overtime and older relationships fade away. I know a lot of my friendships from my younger years have faded away, and from what I’ve heard it’s not an uncommonly known fact. So, as we gracefully age like fine wine, it’s important that we put ourselves out there and forge new connections.
Whether we’re introverts or extroverts, we all have a natural desire for social interaction. It’s totally normal and good for us! That’s why it’s important to find and connect with others that resonate or vibe with us.
Here are some good reasons why it’s important to make friends as an adult…
- They can be a support system making life easier to cope and helping to reduce stress.
- Help prevent isolation and provide a sense of belonging that prevents loneliness.
- Provide a sense of fulfillment in life when sharing good times with laughter, and fun experiences which enhances our mental and emotional health.
- Offer different perspectives and knowledge for personal growth, including career advice and opportunities in our professional life.
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WHY IT’S SO HARD TO MAKE FRIENDS AS AN ADULT (6 Reasons)
1. You Have a Busy Schedule and Limited Energy
It’s tough these days to juggle work, family responsibilities, maintaining friendships, and even taking care of ourselves. By the end of it all, who has the energy to make friends or anything else to that matter?
But here’s the thing: friendships, just like any other important part of our lives, need time and effort. Even though our schedules may be crazy, we can still find small pockets of time to connect with others. Whether it’s a quick coffee break, a lunch outing, or even a virtual catch-up session, it’s crucial to make intentional efforts to nurture these connections.
Despite the apparent challenges, I firmly believe that discovering and cultivating adult friendships is entirely attainable. It necessitates a change in mindset and a dedicated effort to prioritize our social wellbeing.
2. Your Mental Health is Holding You Back
Building friendships as adults can be challenging, especially when we factor in our personal mental health struggles.
Below are some common mental health issues that may be hindering your ability to make friends as an adult:
Social Anxiety
Do you ever feel nervous about talking to new people or making friends? People with social anxiety struggle with these feelings and worry about being judged or rejected.
Low Self-Esteem
Have you ever felt like you’re not good enough or don’t deserve friends? People with low self-esteem have negative thoughts about themselves, which can make it hard for them to reach out and start conversations.
Trust Issues
Have you ever been hurt by someone you trusted? Adults who have trust issues may find it hard to open up and form connections with others because they fear getting hurt again.
Depression
Do you ever feel sad, tired, or unmotivated to socialize? Depression can make it challenging to have the energy and enthusiasm needed to make new friends.
Trauma
Have you ever experienced something really difficult or scary? People who have gone through traumatic experiences may struggle with forming connections and being vulnerable with others.
Aging-Related Insecurity
Do you ever worry about how others see you as you get older? Some adults feel self-conscious about their appearance or achievements, which can make it hard for them to build new relationships.
Lack of Common Interests
Do you find it hard to connect with others who have different interests than you? Unlike school, where you had lots of chances to bond over shared activities, adulthood can be more diverse which makes it harder to find common ground with new friends.
But what if we tried to be more open minded, putting our judgments and egos aside, we could gain a deeper reasoning why people act the way they do.
It’s important to recognize that our mental health issues are not flaws, but a reminder of our past hardships in life. These experiences simply shaped us.
If we were to approach potential friendships with empathy and patience, while extending support to everyone around us who may be dealing with their own challenges, we could create a society that is truly compassionate and caring.
3. Your at Different Stages in Life
One of the biggest challenges in making friends as an adult is being in different life stages.
We naturally gravitate towards people who are going through similar experiences or are in the same stage of life as us. It’s just human nature to want to connect and share stories about the challenges we’re facing. As we get older, we also deal with disappointments and heartbreaks that can make us more cautious. It’s normal to put up walls that stop us from making new connections.
Let’s say for example:
A young mom is spending sleepless nights caring for her newborn and struggling to learn how to prepare meals for her family. And on the other hand, someone nearing retirement may be eagerly excited about the upcoming freedom and fewer responsibilities. Both these individuals have completely different lifestyles, priorities, schedules, and interests, which can make it difficult to find common ground in a conversation.
It’s still good to remind ourselves that to make friends as an adult can be tough, but it’s not impossible.
Often, we unknowingly build barriers that hold us back from our ability to form meaningful relationships. These barriers may stem from past experiences, fear of rejection, or simply a lack of self-confidence. By consciously breaking down these walls and challenging our own preconceptions, we can create an environment open to building lasting friendships.
So, while making friends as an adult may show its own set of challenges, it is certainly within our reach. By embracing the differences in life stages, remaining open to new experiences, and breaking down our own barriers, we can build genuine connections with others.
Remember, friendship knows no age limits, and with a little effort and willingness, we can cultivate meaningful relationships that enrich our lives.
4. You Relocated to a New Area
To make new friends as an adult can be quite challenging, and it becomes even more difficult when we move to a new area. Just imagine being thrown into a completely unfamiliar environment with a new job and no sense of belonging. Suddenly, everything in life feels unfamiliar, so it’s not uncommon to feel lonely and isolated during this transitional period. Building new relationships that provide the same level of support and belonging takes time.
Unlike when we were younger and forced to interact with other kids at school, as adults, it’s harder to find opportunities to meet new people and form connections.
Being an adult is a bit trickier to meet new people and build connections. It means stepping out of our comfort zones, being open to new experiences, and actively seeking out social connections. It requires us to let our guards down and be a little less cautious and selective for a while. Even if someone doesn’t seem like our cup of tea at first, that person may have their own social network and could introduce us to someone else who is looking for a meaningful and authentic friendship, and someone who has more in common with us. Or, after a few more visits you may find out you have more in common than you think.
Meeting new people is not impossible, but it does require a lot of patience and effort to build a new life and make new friends as an adult.
So, if you find yourself in a new area, don’t lose hope. Keep putting yourself out there, be open to new connections, and remember that building a fulfilling social life takes time and perseverance.
Creating strong friendships as an adult requires time and effort. It’s important to be patient and understanding with both yourself and others. Don’t stress yourself out or set unrealistic expectations. Just relax and enjoy getting to know someone new. Stay open to forming a meaningful bond. Keep in mind, even the smallest connections can turn into lifelong friendships.
5. Everyone Already has Established Social Groups
To make new friends is hard when we’re often surrounded by people who already have their own established group of friends, making it hard to break in and form new friendships. Plus, limited time and responsibilities can get in the way of meeting new people.
We also become more selective about who we let into our lives as we get older. We may have higher standards and preferences for the people we hang out with, which can make it even harder to find like-minded people who share our values and interests.
On top of all that, there’s the fear of rejection. It’s scary to try and make connections with strangers, especially when there’s a chance of not fitting in with a certain group.
I know it’s hard, because this is an area I struggle with as well. But we have to try to remember that it’s never too late to make new friendships as an adult. It may require stepping outside of our comfort zones, attending social events, joining clubs or groups that align with our interests, or even reaching out to acquaintances to deepen those connections.
Be patient, open-minded, and proactive in seeking out opportunities to meet new people. It’s important to build relationships that will stand the test of time. You will find the right crowd you were meant to be in or random people throughout your life you were meant to come in contact with.
6. Values, Beliefs, and Cultural Differences
Making new friends as an adult can be tough, especially when you add cultural differences into the mix.
People differ in their values, beliefs, and norms which can cause misunderstandings and even conflicts. It can be hard to make a meaningful connection with someone when you come from different backgrounds, and you might unintentionally offend one another by accidentally saying or doing something offensive without even realizing it.
To really bond with someone from a different culture, you need to be open-minded, empathetic, and willing to learn about where they come from. Don’t assume things – ask questions and try to find common ground. Showing genuine interest in their background can help you break down walls and really get to know them. Patience and good listening skills are key to forming a deep connection and expanding your own cultural horizons.
It’s not easy, but pushing past these cultural barriers can lead to some amazing friendships that will open your eyes and make your life richer.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
1. Is it normal to struggle with making friends as an adult?
Yes, it is completely normal to experience challenges when making friends as an adult. Many people find themselves in similar situations due to things like work commitments, relocating, or simply a shift in their priorities. The key is to be proactive and open to new opportunities for socializing.
2. What are some effective conversation starters for meeting new people?
Effective conversation starters often revolve around open-ended questions that encourage the other person to share their thoughts and experiences. For example, asking about their hobbies, interests, or recent travels can spark engaging discussions. Additionally, sharing personal stories or observations can help establish a connection and make the conversation more comfortable.
3. How can I maintain friendships in adulthood with busy schedules?
Maintaining friendships in adulthood can be challenging, especially when juggling busy schedules. However, making regular and intentional efforts is vital. Set aside dedicated time for socializing, whether it’s a weekly catch-up or a monthly outing. Additionally, leverage technology to stay connected, such as through video calls or messaging apps, when in-person meetups are not possible.
4. What if I am shy or have social anxiety? How can I overcome these obstacles?
If you are shy or have social anxiety, making friends as an adult can be particularly daunting. It can help to start small by attending social events with a friend or joining groups that align with your interests. Taking gradual steps, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor can also assist in overcoming these obstacles and building confidence in social situations.
Thank You Credits: Cover photo by Mitul Shah on Shopify.